PSA to Parents: ‘Grind Culture’ Is Doing Serious Damage To Our Teens

Maybe I’m romanticizing things, but I look back on my teen years as a pretty unburdened time in my life. I worried about standard teenage things: getting a prom date, how I was going to afford everything I’d circled in the dELiA*s catalog, and whether my mom would find out I bummed the occasional Marlboro Light (sorry, Mom). But it’s a different story for our own teenagers these days. As America has embraced “hustle culture” — the attitude that you’ll get nowhere without relentless ambition and making personal sacrifices for professional gain — we’ve been collectively hurtling toward burnout. It’s safe to say that the majority of working adults have felt the crushing pressure to over-perform, and now it’s come for our teens. A recent study by Common Sense Media, aided by researchers at Harvard and Indiana University, reveals that teenagers are increasingly experiencing levels of stress and burnout that are typically seen in adults — and we can lay a lot of the blame on the hustle culture mentality.

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What Are Teenagers Stressed About?

For the report, “Unpacking Grind Culture in American Teens: Pressure, Burnout, and the Role of Social Media,” researchers asked teens to rate the amount of pressure they feel in six key categories, listed here in order of most to least stressful: game plan (i.e., the pressure to have their future figured out), achievement, appearance, social life, friendship, and activism. Most teens — 81 percent — reported feeling a significant amount of stress in at least one of these areas, while 52 percent experienced negative pressure in three or more. And a disheartening 27 percent of respondents said they struggle with burnout. Having plans for the future was the number one stressor, with over half reporting pressure to get their life path figured out in a hurry. Achievement came in second, with 53 percent saying they feel stress around academic excellence, getting into honors classes, earning awards, and the like.

These findings echo what we discovered in a poll of our own Gen Z Council for SheKnows’s “Be a Man” series. Unsurprisingly, over 90 percent of the teenagers we surveyed admitted to feeling stressed frequently or occasionally. Academics topped the list of stressors, with 54.5 percent attributing their stress to grades, followed closely by extracurriculars — namely, the time commitment they require (on top of everything else) and the expectations to excel.

It doesn’t help that they’ve grown up in a culture that views overworking as a testament to personal grit and strength, a phenomenon that The New York Times called “toil glamour.” “In the new work culture, enduring or even merely liking one’s job is not enough. Workers should love what they do, and then promote that love on social media, thus fusing their identities to that of their employers,” per a 2019 article in the publication.

If that weren’t enough, teens today have to worry about things we may not have had to; they face economic woes that make it harder to achieve things that are considered life milestones, like going to college, buying a home, and having kids. Then add in social media feeds with accounts portraying people their age doing extraordinary things. In the past, where we might have only seen such prodigies showcased on TV or in magazine articles, all you’ve got to do today is open up TikTok or Instagram and there they are — leading vulnerable young viewers to feel like this type of achievement is much more common than it actually is.

When all these factors combine, it’s no wonder our teenagers feel like they’ve got no time to waste in “making it big” and that each step must be a carefully calculated step toward success.

“We didn’t think our first job was important; it was just a job and would eventually, meanderingly lead to The Job,” wrote cultural critic Anne Helen Petersen in a viral article for BuzzFeed on the topic of burnout. “But these students were convinced that their first job out of college would not only determine their career trajectory, but also their intrinsic value for the rest of their lives.” The article was about millennials, then dubbed “The Burnout Generation” — but we’re finding out that it’s even worse for Gen Z.

Who Is the Pressure Coming From?

Folks, this is where we need to turn the mirror toward ourselves — because despite our best intentions, parents (and other involved adults, like educators, guidance counselors, and coaches) make significant contributions to the pressure of the top two most stressful categories: game plan and achievement.

“Even though they don’t mean to, I feel like my parents really add to the pressure,” confessed one teenage respondent in the Common Sense Media report. And our findings were very similar — both within SheKnows’ Gen Z Council and our own families. “There’s a lot of extra fear and stress that comes from, ‘Oh, if you don’t do good enough in school, you won’t be able to do this and this and this,'” my own 16-year-old, Cameron, admitted. “And parents use it as leverage too. I feel like that adds a lot of stress to it.”

Of course, we can’t blame ourselves for everything. Teens surveyed for the new study reported that when it comes to appearance, for example, they themselves were the biggest source of pressure — that and social media, which proved to be a double-edged sword. The Common Sense Media study found that teens were overall more likely to say it increased pressure in certain areas, especially appearance (that tracks; in SheKnows’ survey findings, nearly 41 percent responded that social media negatively impacts their self-esteem). However, they also reported that in some cases it helps ease the pressure by letting them connect with others, providing learning support, and deepening interests. Between 39-53 percent of teens said that social media sometimes decreases stress around each of the areas they were surveyed about.

And as it turns out, though we parents add to the stress in some areas, we’re also the ones who often help ease it (whew!). “Closest friends and parents/family members are most relevant as sources of decreasing felt pressure,” the report says. “For teens who are feeling Game Plan pressure, their closest friends decrease the pressure for 26 percent of teens, and parents/family members for 18 percent. For Achievement pressure, 30 percent say their close friends decrease their feelings of pressure, and 20 percent say their parents/family members do. For Appearance pressure, 31 percent say parents/family members reduce this pressure, and 29 percent say closest friends do.”

What Do the Teens Who Reported Zero Pressure Have In Common?

Interestingly, not all of the teens in the Common Sense Media report said they experienced negative pressure — and those who didn’t had some factors in common. Teens who reported no negative pressure were 227 percent more likely to have had 7-plus hours of sleep at least once in the past week, 66 percent more likely to have spent some time in the outdoors in the past week, and had less structured/rigorous schedules (they were 60 percent more likely to say they had more free time than their friends, and 81 percent less likely to report feeling overwhelmed).

How Do We Identify Signs of Burnout in Teenagers?

Ana Homayoun, author of Erasing the Finish Line and a member of the SheKnows Parenting Advisory Council, told SheKnows that since “burnout” is a term that’s traditionally been associated with adults in the workplace, it can be trickier to spot in teens because some of its signs (feeling drained or irritable, for example) can be symptoms of anxiety or depression — or just the normal moodiness and changes that come along with being a teenager. When a teen is experiencing burnout, it can look like a lack of motivation, or apathy toward homework, sports, or other extracurriculars. Other signs can include disrupted sleep patterns, increased risk-taking behavior, a change in appetite, complaints of health issues or physical pain, and impulsive behavior or emotional instability.

How Can Parents Help Teens With Stress and Burnout?

To discover how parents can best help ease their kids’ feelings of stress that can lead to critical levels of burnout, Common Sense Media went straight to the experts: the teens themselves. “Teens are telling us that they face intense pressures, and are looking to adults to support rather than dismiss their concerns, to share in their joys and work with them to help prioritize critical self-care practices and create more balance in their lives,” Amanda Lenhart, Head of Research at Common Sense Media, tells She Knows. Here are the ways that parents and caregivers can best support them:

Times have changed, and our kids will never have exactly the type of teenage experience we did — just as our teenage experiences were different than those of our parents. But if we don’t try our best to help them navigate through the things that lead to burnout at such a young age, they may not look back on these years nearly as fondly as we do ours.

The fact is, our teens have plenty of years to feel the overwhelming pressures of adulthood. As we reflect on the stress and burnout that’s become all too common for them, let’s remember the power of stepping back and saying, “Enough.” Our teens don’t need to have it all figured out just yet. They need us to remind them that it’s OK to be themselves, to make mistakes, and to learn as they go.